Tag Archives: health

New Year’s Resolutions

I had planned on getting this post out last week, but you know, I kind of broke the internet, so it had to be delayed until today. I’m sure you’ve had your fill of “Year End Reviews” and “2016 New Year’s Resolutions” but I don’t care, this post is solely for me. Seriously, I throw no ill will your way if you want to bolt right now.

I get it.

Get out of here already.

No big proclamations this year and no epic New Year’s Resolutions to report (maybe 1-2 of those, but I can’t talk about them here). Instead, we’ll go with a series of easily attainable items as a means to pump up this serial underachiever. Low hanging fruit if you will.

If I can’t succeed in accomplishing at least 75% of these, there is officially no hope.

I will use this post to track my New Year’s Resolutions progress throughout the year to make sure I am on pace to accomplish my goals and will review them regularly with my supervisor. A mid year progress report will be compiled and shared with you all here.

Without further ado, my 2016 New Year’s Resolutions:

Stop drinking coffee at night – It all started ten years ago as a means to keep awake for the night shift after my daughter was born. It then transformed into a “reward” for myself after the kids were in bed each evening. It is now a full blown addiction and I’ve had enough. How many more times will I read about the importance of sleep and not do anything about it?


Truth is, I am already 4 nights in and no coffee. Instead, it has been replaced by a nightly “Calm” drink which is allegedly giving me my daily dose of calcium and potassium. Thanks Lorraine!

Make my kids watch the original “Star Wars” movie – Yes I know it isn’t close to the same experience I had back in 1977 as a 5 year old, but I owe it to them to at least give it a shot. We’ve tried for years now and they have shown little interest but with the release of the latest movie, now is the time to seize the opportunity. My fear is that what I find so charming now, they will find as poor and outdated technology.

A consolation prize would be if the theme song is added to either one of their playlists on Apple Music. And not this version:

Floss every night – No further explanation required. 2 out of 7 days isn’t cutting it and I’m sick of the dental hygienists giving me that look.

Read one book a month –  Like I said, low hanging fruit. I’ve ignored books for years running now as they’ve been replaced by online reading/surfing. Yes, I do read intelligent and informative works online, but it doesn’t replace the book. I want to giggle, cry and cower in the corner with fear by March. No excuses.

Watch one soccer game, I mean match, in its entirety – What am I missing when 90% of the world is scary passionate about a game where .27 goals are scored per game?


Is it the magic of that one pass that is a thing of beauty? Is it the hilarity of grown men feigning injury every other play?

Eat vegetarian for one week – Lofty goals, eh? I’ve been threatening to do this for years and now is the time to see it through. I could give you a number of reasons as to why I want to do this, but for now it is really just to see if I can pull it off. Shouldn’t be too difficult since I grow a ton of veggies in my own garden.


Am I that reliant upon meat in my diet? Will I feel any different?

Cook one meal from scratch each month – I’m really exposing myself as non-evolved with these, damn. I admittedly get a panic attack whenever I cook prepare a meal. Multi-tasking is not a strong suit and it rears its ugly head when I’m in the kitchen. I hate trying to time it all to finish concurrently and the frustration leads to dumb mistakes and missed ingredients.

Maybe if I put together a schedule and prep way ahead of time, I can pull it off. If not, it still makes for great blog fodder.

Call a sports talk radio show – Just so I can say “first time caller, long time listener” and to make my future broadcaster son proud of me.

mets jack sny

More videos on this blog – True confession – For Christmas, my wife presented me with a series of books that were basically 6 years of this blog converted into book form. I cried when I opened them. I shit you not. It was a biography of our family, not to mention like 10,167 plants, and the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received. That woman just gets it. Thank the high heavens she looked past my immaturity back in 1990 and agreed to go along for the ride.

So now I need to create more video here to further cement and document our place in this world. Hopefully the kids don’t get all sensitive on me and shy away. Videos of me cooking badly, videos of us training the dog, videos of actual good cooking skills from my wife and other dull everyday events that we’ll be thrilled we captured years from now.

Pretend to be a professional photographer for a day – I have to be honest here, this one has already been fully mapped out. The family is going to Florida in February to spend three days watching the New York Mets during Spring Training. For one of those days, I plan on wearing a homemade press pass around my neck and being obnoxious as I photograph the players doing their thing. Even if it gets me nowhere, I will still be able to provide you with killer pics like this when all is said and done.

mets collins 2

At least finalize the “concept” for a gardening book – I have so many ideas swirling around in my noggin and it’s time to fine tune it down to one killer idea.


One more year out in the garden should be sufficient inspiration and if any of you have any great ideas you could always email me on the sly and I can pretend I came up with it.

Write for another blog/publication – It’s no secret, I love to write and I hope it isn’t too late to still try and pursue it as a vocation. Be it sports related, garden related or even cooking related (yeah you heard me), it’s time to stretch the wings even more. The worst someone can say is “No … and you really ought to pursue another line of work but damn you had the cajones to give it a try.”

Stop the PennEast pipeline – Want to feel the blood boil? Read this:

Signing Your Rights Away

I can vouch for it all having seen a copy of a friend’s letter myself. The way this company has operated from day one has been the opposite of transparent and their attempts to swindle people out of their land through purposely vague and deceitful means should piss you off to no end regardless of how you feel about natural gas.

In 2016, we blow their minds and put an end to their charade.

There you have it, my 2016 New Year’s Resolutions.




Calf cramps and phosphorous smoothies

I’ve been getting horrific calf cramps the past few nights. They typically hit while I am in full REM sleep and I wake up in temporary horror when they kick in. Once I am awake enough to comprehend what is going on, I become a bumbling idiot trying to point my toes towards me and then away from me until the pain subsides (I still don’t know which is the better option). Once they subside, I develop cramp paranoia and have trouble sleeping comfortably again. Fun.

I’ve read all I can on the cause of calf cramps. It isn’t dehydration because I drink 8- 10 glasses of water a day. It isn’t due to excessive exercise as it hits at all different times; the night after a hard run and nights after I haven’t exercised for days. I don’t take birth control pills and I’m fairly certain that I’m not pregnant.

The only explanation and one that makes a whole lot of sense is a lack of potassium and/or calcium. Here’s why:

I hate bananas – probably the best way to get the necessary potassium. Until someone creates a new breed of banana that doesn’t have that nasty texture, I’m out.

I hate milk – ever since my kindergarten classmate threw up her milk all over my shoes, I can’t stomach the stuff. That smell never left me. My parents made me drink it and I still resent them for it. It was the greatest part about leaving for college, no more forced milk. Pathetic, i know.

Knowing all this, and knowing the calf cramps are … cramping my style … it’s time to make a move. Bananas in smoothies works (no texture issues) and daily calcium pills are now on the docket. We’ll see just how much of an impact this will have.

Which brings me to my giant lemon …

Don’t get the transition? Here we go.

I talked a few weeks back about the soon to be beautifully ripe Meyer lemon I had growing on my Meyer lemon tree. You can read it here.

I finally picked it yesterday as it was time to finally enjoy it. Off it came and the first thing I needed to do was measure the giant.

meyer lemon

About 5 inches wide and 15 inches in diameter.

I had personally never seen a lemon that large and I started to wonder if just maybe I am the lemon whisperer. I could envision a future of people coming from far and wide to view my lemons. A potential book and a movie and a legacy passed on to my kids.

And then I cut into it.

Um … what

meyer lemon 2

Holy rind Batman.

Doesn’t really smell like a lemon.

And the pulp is very dry.

What a f’n colossal disappointment. Where did I go wrong?

It didn’t take very long to figure it out. After a quick Google search, it seemed to be very obvious. Two different things actually (best description here):

Too much nitrogen

Too little phosphorus 

Hmmmm. I’ve kept up with the feeding over the last few years, but nothing excessive. I’ve used a balanced citrus fertilizer but maybe it is time to switch it up. Maybe start using a better organic option like bone meal.

But then again, the fruit to follow looks normal, appearing to have that patented thin Meyer lemon rind.

meyer lemon 3

Do nothing? I can’t. Need to take action.

So in conclusion:

Me: Banana based smoothies and calcium supplements

The lemon tree: Phosphorous based smoothie and bone meal

See what I did there tying it all together? I know, impressive.