This is the best representation of how it has looked outside for weeks running now.
Hurts the eyes doesn’t it? That is what my entire yard looks like right now.
It’s so icy that the deer are all like “No dude, a bite out of that Holly isn’t worth the risk of breaking an ankle.”
The New York Rangers called and wanted to lease the space for an upcoming practice.
I am not a fan of it or winter, just in case you didn’t know that already.
Our winter routine has become:
- Wake up and say “Good morning wife.”
- Walk downstairs, look out window, become blinded.
- Pop advil like they are Tic Tac’s.
- Mumble angrily to myself while making coffee.
- Glance in mirror and wonder who that old man is.
- Drink first cup of coffee, slide down the back of front door and pray for the strength to make it through.
- Wake up the kids and blame them for my winter malaise.
- Speak with said wife while getting dressed and after we are both properly caffeinated, about moving away from this ASAP.
- Realize we are both late for work and agree to discuss at a later date.
- Drive bobsled to bus stop and see kids off to school.
- Walk on crunchy driveway, sprain ankle a bit and get in cold car.
- Listen to Howard Stern on ride to work and wish I had his job.
- Complete work day.
- Drive home and dream big about “getting out”.
- Freeze ass off walking from car to house.
- Sit down at dinner together, repeat nightly lecture as to why no TV will be on, talk about our days and say “One more day closer to spring.”
- Homework, next day prep.
- Escape it all briefly through some web surfing and a little TV.
- Turn on heated mattress pad in preparation for bed.
- Go to bed and say “I love this heated mattress pad”.
Please, no lectures about the wonders of winter and enjoying each day. I get it. I really do. It’s just not for me. Maybe one day I’ll mature and look back and scold my middle aged self.
Speaking of maturity, what else is there to do in order to cope? For starters, stomping on the ice to break up the glare and to let off some steam is kind of awesome.
Incredibly liberating. Mature? Not so much.
Maybe take some photos of plants in winter and pretend to embrace it? OK, I’m in.
That was … temporarily nice.
The real cure? Head to Florida for MLB spring training.
Later this week, be on the lookout for live action shots of fields of green, the pops of ball hitting glove and the cracks of angry bats. We are looking at temps in the 70’s.
The boys of summer have returned and I am fired up.