Today is our 19th wedding anniversary and I’m fairly certain that we talked about nothing else other than the pipeline. Such is life in 2015. That pisses me off like you cannot believe.

Here is the latest:

This past Thursday, PennEast formally applied to FERC (Federal Energy Regulatory Commission) for their pipeline project. Even though they’ve only surveyed 30% of the affected properties in NJ, they’re obviously cocky enough to think it is sufficient to proceed ahead.

And you know what? Precedent would indicate that they are probably right. FERC has NEVER turned down a pipeline application and as we’ve quickly learned, their role is not as overseer, but as hand holder to the pipeline companies. It is infuriating considering we have all collectively written 3000+ intelligent and valid comments to our “government” yet there is zero confidence that it won’t all fall on deaf ears.

I spent a good part of Thursday and Friday pouring through the formal application. Not a fun read; Fifty Shades it is not. I’ll spare you the painful details (for now), but here are a few gems that are borderline hilarious:

“The proposed Project route has been designed to minimize direct impacts to residences.”

“This one-time upfront payment will increase the property owner’s disposable income.”

“Several historical and recent studies indicate that construction of natural gas pipelines does not adversely affect the values of the properties proximate to the pipelines.”

“Therefore, the Project is not expected to impact underlying property values.”

How do they have the cojones to say all that? “Disposable income” with a “one time” payment. Seriously? They would be “leasing” my property for years to come to line their pockets but would not pay us going forward.

No affect on property values? You stupid SOB’s, you don’t think that is due to the fact that people can’t sell at all? Who wants to buy a house with 36″ pipeline buried in the yard? I could punch you all.

But what set us off more than anything else was this find, a map of our individual residence buried within the bullshit report.

Allow me to elaborate.

• The pipeline (solid black line) would be 93′ from our house.
• It does not account for our 16 ft deck (guess you missed it on Google Earth you f’ers) so let’s reduce that to 77′.
• 25′ on each side of the pipeline becomes the permanent easement.
• The construction zone will start around 2′ off of the deck. You heard that right. That would mean this would be gone.

• 50′ from each side of the easement and to the left our home is the construction zone. All trees, plants, creatures contained within would be cleared from those areas.
• There is a good chance my well and septic will be within the construction zone.

We’ve been told all along that the construction zone would be 100′ and da da, it is now doubled to 200′. How fun. I’m sure it isn’t indicative of what is to come.

To pour it on real thick, here are some photos of my backyard as a reference:

Moving on.

Having said all that, we are still fighting are asses off. The anger of reading the application and all its cute little stories only fuels the fire in a big way.

On Friday night we attended an impromptu rally initiated only 24 hours prior. There was a terrific turn out and those driving by seemed to on board as well.

Fun fact #1, we are in the kill zone.

Fun fact #2, that guy holding the sign is the esteemed Dr. Tullis Onstott of Princeton University. Read the hyperlink and tell me it doesn’t piss you off.

What we are learning is that “action” keeps your mind off of things and sitting still only adds to the anxiety. If we could attend a rally or meeting on a daily basis we would do it in a heartbeat.

On to Saturday.

After softball in the morning (a nice distraction) …

… we hit up Milford Alive where pipeline non-supporter, congressman Leonard Lance, spoke and made it a point to visit the Stop PennEast booth. We’ll see where it goes from here, but  having him on our side can only help.

Today, in an effort to get out and clear our heads, we finally made a trip out to Mad Lavender Farm. My wife made the discovery via Facebook and we had vowed to get there before the end of the season. Plus, I have failed at growing lavender like a champ so I was curious to see how it is all done.

The farm is tucked back off a local road in Milford, NJ (Hunterdon County) and we were greeted by the owners, two of the friendliest people you could ever meet. We received a personal tour and education on the farm’s operations.

My personal fave was the raised bed of Lavender ‘Phenomenal’.

After being schooled on the soil that they used and how they winter protect the crop, I am determined to give it a whirl myself. We fell in love with the place and look forward to many return visits, hopefully including a fully dedicated blog post.

So with all the anger and fear this potential pipeline has brought about, we’ve also made so many new friends and discovered more about our special region than we could have ever imagined. It is uniting us in the love of our land and of each other.

PennEast should be worried.

One last story.

When we were at the lavender farm, one of the owners mentioned that they had recently rejuvenated a number of apple trees on their property. Each of the trees was loaded with apples and it was all done organically. While there was some pruning and clean up involved, the owner ultimately gave credit to one thing and one thing only …

The bees they added to the farm.

Life Lesson – don’t fuck with the land.

I work in the “corporate world” and holy crap do we love buzz words. In fact, it may be the most entertaining part of my job. Each and every week a new word or phrase appears out of the blue and each one is better than the next (sarcastically speaking). I’ve considered doing some extensive research into the origin of many of these words/phrases but I get too annoyed along the way to dedicate that much time.

Some of my personal favorites:

We must account for the various swim lanes as we create our timeline. 

Let’s make sure we apply our best practice 

This is a large undertaking, we don’t need to boil the ocean here. 

I ask that we leverage our best practices on that project.  

Hi John, I know the meeting will run until 11:00, but I have a hard stop at 10:45. 

I realize this is a complex task, but let’s take care of the low hanging fruit first.

After comparing the two documents, can you identify the delta? 

Seriously, can we not use the word “differences” any more? Does “delta” give you more street cred?

I could go on and on but you get the point.

There is, however, one additional buzzword phrase that holds a special place in my heart – Elevator Speech. I heard the term during my very first day on a new job back in 2002 and I still cringe when I think back on it.

An elevator speech is a brief, persuasive pitch that you use to spark interest in what your organization does. You can also use it to create interest in a project, idea, or product – or in yourself. A good elevator pitch should last no longer than a short elevator ride of 20 to 30 seconds, hence the name. 

Simple enough, right? The concept is easy to grasp but what I missed/misinterpreted was that you don’t actually recite it word for word while on an elevator. Literal much John?

We were all asked to create our own elevator speech as it related to our department. I pieced together an awful attempt and had it semi-memorized. I anticipated being quizzed along the way and walked around in a state of stress. If I don’t nail this I’m doomed.

It sounds dumb now, but I made sure to never take the elevator at work. I imagined a moment when someone would pop out of the corner on the elevator, Candid Camera style and yell “Elevator speech, go!” I would then panic and embarrass myself in front of all of the other elevator riders. I remember the night sweats like it was yesterday.

Fast forward to today and I’m at ease with the idea of an elevator speech. Not that I could rattle one off at a moment’s notice, but I do now ride the elevator without fear. Nothing stresses this grizzled veteran any longer.

I spent this past Saturday at a “Stop the PennEast Pipeline” booth at our local Community Day. It was my first foray into the road show circuit that has been touring for over a year now.

To say I was impressed is an understatement. I would dare anyone to approach the tent and not walk away in a fit of anger and bewilderment. The blown up maps alone stopped me in my tracks – the blast zone that impacts the entire township is terrifying. Not to mention the imminent potential  negative impact on our sole source of drinking water.

Early in the day, I spent a good part of my time listening in on the more seasoned presenters and how they approached each visitor. While I’ve become educated in a short period of time, these people have been there from day one and they know their stuff.

My thought was to soak it all in and get good at it as quickly as possible.

And that is when the “elevator speech” concept popped into my head. Without fully realizing it, I had one. While I never cared to pull one together in the past, this one was easy. It rolled of the tongue.

Allow me to test it out:

A private company can invoke eminent domain on preserved lands funded in good part by landowner taxes (of which Hunterdon County is 10th highest in the nation).

The pipeline company pays no taxes to the impacted townships. 

Even non directly impacted landowners in affected townships will see their taxes raised and a reduction in their home/property values. 

The federal government has never turned down a pipeline application.

Because we live in a “rural” area, the pipe used is of a significantly lesser quality.

A renowned scientist has called the soil in our specific area “an arsenic hotspot”. By the way, everyone gets their water from a personal well.

Over 30 C1 level streams will be crossed by the pipeline and will put a number of endangered species in grave danger.

Only 30% of NJ landowners have allowed survey access which is lower than in any other pipeline fight.  

I clocked it in at 33 seconds. May have to scale it back a bit.

What do you think? Can it be more effective?

I used it quite a bit on Saturday (though not as effectively as my counterparts) and it led to a huge outpouring of support from those either unaware of the pipeline or not as up to speed on its potential impact. We had an incredibly productive day with more of the same planned in the near future.

Color this non-supporter of the pipeline as encouraged.

Speaking of encouraged, we’ve been contacting our local representatives (email/standard mail/tweets/etc) with a fervor of late and it has paid off. Take a look at this tweet below.

PennEast pipeline path presents ‘significant concerns,’ N.J. congressman says | http://t.co/Rhh4P1d67R http://t.co/O2mKzUkdQ1

— Rep. Leonard Lance (@RepLanceNJ7) September 19, 2015

The big boys are stepping in and that can only be a good thing. Hopefully others will soon join the effort.  As a group, we continue to pound away at making everyone aware of this horrifically planned project and I find tweeting it gives the biggest bang for the buck.  

Hey @PennEastLine stay out of #NJ and our unique and precious preserved land #EndPennEast @FERC $SE $SJI $SO $NJR $UGI $PEG #PennEast — john markowski (@jmarkowski0) September 16, 2015

 
This battle may be only in its infant stage but we’re ready and equipped to see the denial come to fruition. They messed with the wrong crew and underestimated the power of the people.

Stay the f out of Jersey PennEast.

I just got back from another stakeout.

I kid you not, it all started innocently enough with me running around in my backyard trying to track down a Monarch butterfly. The best way to describe the scene would be to imagine a toddler chasing a seagull on the beach. A slight giggle, no chance in hell of ever catching it but still enjoying the thrill of the chase. Along the way, there is a lot of falling and running into things, maybe even a slight drool.

As I’m about to give up on the hunt, I hear a mysterious vehicle pull into the street. How do I know it is mysterious? When you live on a small street without only 3 houses inhabited, you learn the sound of everyone’s vehicle over time. This one was not one of those.

I quickly see that it is a white “company” vehicle and I’m on high alert. That is life these days with the threat of the PennEast pipeline. The company is attempting to survey potentially affected properties through all means shady since only 30% of NJ landowners have granted them access (Don’t mess with Jersey). Illegal trespassing, utilizing electric companies to survey for them, even fake bat studies (you read that correctly) are the norm.

We have “no trespassing” signs all over our property and will not hesitate to call the authorities if a surveyor shows up. We denied all access and have completed all of the necessary paperwork to ensure that holds true. I am also keeping an eye on neighboring properties to make sure there are no shenanigans.

So I set up camp at my favorite hideout (I’ve done this a few times before as you can tell) where I can see the entire road and take pictures if necessary.

If there is any sign of surveying/drilling, I will be on that shit like an animal. This is what you turn into when dealing with situations like this.

Turns out there is no foul play (for now) as the truck immediately departs. If there were any concerns, I’d have photos including their license plate. Yes, our new reality.

Part of being able to function on a daily basis is to make light of the situation. We’ve taken to blaming PennEast for everything. If the drier stops working, it’s PE’s fault. If there is a large collection of turkey vultures sitting on my roof plotting their next move, it is because of PE. If Shop Rite is out of white peaches, you guessed it, f’n PE. It gives us all a much needed laugh.

Another fun family activity is to run outside if we hear the sound of a plane/helicopter/drone. PE has been surveying from the air so we all know what to do if a low flying object appears.

Kids love having the OK to throw up the middle finger. They need to learn just how powerful it can be at the right time. I’m so proud of them.

We’ve even gone so far as to imagining a future where there is no pipeline and we create a restaurant that sits on the originally proposed path. Ask my wife, it’s true. I recently jumped out of the shower one morning and announced what one of our starters would be at the “The Pipeline Cafe”:

Eminent Romaine – we’ll decide when you are done with this delectable salad and we’ll decide what we want to charge you.

Sick, I know.

But in all seriousness, there has been an incredible push from the people to defeat this monster. Just last night I attended another meeting to further educate the public on how to get involved and most importantly, what to do next now that the pipeline company, PennEast, plans to submit their application this month.

Over the last year, amazing leaders have emerged from all over the affected townships and you would swear they all fight pipelines for a living.

No, not even close.

These are farmers, teachers, professionals, you name it, who have dedicated their time to energizing this fight and most importantly, keeping the people engaged. I am proud of it all and look forward to continuing the fight, how ever long that may be.

Who knows, part of my fight beyond red shouldered hawks, environmental concerns and proximity to my well just may be protecting the milkweed and those ever elusive Monarchs.