The Obsessive Neurotic Gardener

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Posted on April 21, 2010 by jmarkowski Posted in Uncategorized .

Recently, while sitting in my car stopped at a traffic light, I glanced at the Boston Market on my left, specifically, the so-called landscaping that surrounded the place. Three different shrubs were all that were used for the “landscaping”. There were two different Barberry and a Spirea. All had grown into each other and were sheared into round balls.

After I threw up in my mouth a bit, I started getting this feeling of being part of the garden elite. Some samples of the conversation I had with myself:
  • “Everyone knows to avoid any shrub/plant you see planted at a fast food restaurant. They are so incredibly boring and common.”
  • “How dare they shear shrubs like that and not let them grown into their natural shape.”
  • “I know so much more about plants and design than these so-called landscapers.”
  • “My yard is so much more diverse and interesting. I should become a professional and show them how it is really done.”
And then I went home and pulled into the driveway. And cried (just go with the drama I’m trying to portray here). For as much as I claim to know about gardening and the so-called design rules, my yard ain’t all that grand.
I am fairly confident that I could hold my own on Plant Jeopardy and could talk a good game when it comes to the principles of design. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I even have a huge Microsoft Excel document that includes every plant I own or had previously owned and every factoid about those plants. I reference it often and constantly update as I am doing my daily googling.
But when it comes to putting it all together out in the field (pun intended) it just doesn’t seem to work as planned more often than not. I am no better than the landscapers I critique so often (well I won’t got that far … but you get the point). What sounds good on paper really is difficult to translate into the dirt. I have been thinking long and hard about why this is true and here are some of the reasons I’ve come up with so far:
Differing plant maturities – when it comes to design planning I tend to think about all of the plants at their ultimate mature size. In the long run this would seem to make the most sense, but man is it hard to remain patient and wait for that. Obviously all plants grow at different rates and grow differently depending on a number of factors (sun exposure, soil quality, etc) so getting to that ultimate size is a complex journey.
Plant size – this point ties into the first one but my point here is more about plant availability and cost. The boom of buying plants on the internet has been fantastic as we all can purchase plants we know we will never see in our local nursery. However, with the logistics of shipping these plants, it is either impossible to find large enough specimens or if they do exist, it can be very costly. I lean towards the smaller inexpensive plants as I do enjoy watching the growth progress over the course of time. It just adds to the difficulty when planning your garden design.
Boredom leads to over-analyzing – some times all it takes for me is a simple harmless walk through the garden to get some new big idea on how things can be re-arranged. It may require me to move five shrubs and relocate 10 perennials, but once it is in my head – GAME OVER. I will obsess on it until I am knee deep in the middle of the transformation and then I almost forget why I thought of it in the first place. Each year I plan to create new beds from scratch and expand my gardens, but I never am able to quite finish off the existing ones.  
I am sure I could come up with other reasons but I must admit I already feel better than I did when I started writing this. Funny that there can be such ups and downs in such a simple pleasure like gardening. After all, isn’t it supposed to take you away from life’s true ups and downs – a means for escape? After reading this you may think my answer would be an emphatic “no”, but you would be wrong silly reader. I enjoy this gardening thing even more when I am frustrated and unhappy with my results. That is what leads to the enlightenment.
Disclosure – my apologies if the previous two sentences did not make any sense. I have been analyzing Lost for too long.

Namaste!

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6 Comments
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6 Responses

  1. Susan in the Pink Hat says
    April 21, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    Don’t sweat it. You always think your garden is incredible until you see someone else’s. This happens to me all the time, especially since I’ve started blogging and seeing everyone else’s garden. My mother puts it best: your garden is for you. If it makes you happy, then that’s all that matters. I like GardenRant’s mantra for this especially. None of us live in the garden of Eden.

  2. Noelle says
    April 21, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    Well, I am sure you can do a much better job at landscaping and gardening then those who design and maintain those fast food restaurant landscapes.

    I think you find gardening rewarding and challenging. I don’t think it would be as fun if everything was predictable and easy.

  3. Rachel says
    April 21, 2010 at 8:13 pm

    As someone who has worked on quite a few parking lot projects I must add my $0.02.

    There is a huge difference between landscaping and gardening. Landscaping is what you do with commercial projects. No one will be there to care for the plants so they must be bulletproof. People will trample them, so what better plant than Berberis to discourage that?

    There is never any budget for landscaping. It’s always the first thing to get cut. If your working on a super tight budget (as you almost always are) there is just no way you can spend the time to make a thoughtful planting design – esp. if your tight budget also includes grading, layout, irrigation, construction details, etc. Just throw in something that won’t get destroyed in 3 months and make it as simple as possible. You get the idea. It’s not the landscape architect’s fault, but rather the owner’s unwillingness to pay for something even remotely decent.

    Also, the owner’s schedule to open doesn’t always coincide with the plant materials specified being available. Contractors make their own substitions. Landscape maintenance crews don’t know what they are doing most of the time. Irrigation fails, killing some of the plants, which are then never replaced.

    Sure the landscape might be boring, but it serves it’s purpose and is a lot better than bare dirt.

  4. Floridagirl says
    April 22, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    ONG, don’t be so hard on yourself! It takes many, many years to tweak a garden to perfection…if it ever reaches that state at all. I personally enjoy each individual specimen in my garden and ignore all design principles, though sometimes what’s “not working” bugs me until I fix it.

    As for Boston Market, I occasionally dine at one such restaurant in a nearby town. And let me tell you, it is wonderful! A bougainvillea drapes wonderfully across the sidewalk near the front entrance, with azaleas lining the glass wall and impatiens tucked in here and there. Um…this is my kind of garden!!! Out by the road are huge specimens of golden dewdrops and ruellia massed underneath tall palm trees. Butterfly garden to the extreme! I actually have the same setup in my garden, but because the Boston Market is located on a busy, warm-microclimate city street, the dewdrops and bougies stay evergreen. Yes, it’s sad to say, but Boston Market’s garden is better than mine.

    Actually, I am no fast-food garden snob. Even the McDonald’s landscaping is phenomenal here. We’re talkin’ tab trees, roses, lantana, and perennial peanut. Fast food landscapers rock!!! (At least in my neck o’ the woods.) I’ll have to drive around with my camera and do a post someday.

  5. Susan in the Pink Hat says
    April 22, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    Just to let you know, I was out watching my kid’s soccer game yesterday and noticed a new home with a garden installed in the back yard. I thought, “Psssh…Swoopy beds with concrete borders, same ol’ boring evergreens and shrubs placed to screen the yard…typical big box landscapers installation.” Oh wait, that’s pretty much the description of my backyard. So we’re all guilty of throwing stones.

  6. Dirt Digger says
    April 25, 2010 at 1:41 am

    I hope this post did not come across as arrogant in any way. My point was the exact opposite actually. I forgot to add to the post that I critiqued the barberry and spirea at the Boston Market yet have plenty of both of them in my own yard.

    Rachel – appreciated your insight with your comments. It was nice to get that perspective. Thank you.

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