The Obsessive Neurotic Gardener

Posted on by Posted in Deer .
I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was July of 1985. I was 13 years old. My family had been vacationing “down the shore” (that is some NJ speak for you) when we returned home, exhausted after a week of doing nothing but frying in the sun. 
As we walked through the front door and into the kitchen, we were greeted by at least 20 plastic bags filled with immature looking veggies. The first thought was, “Wow, that’s nice, the people who were watching our house while we were away, left us some gifts from their gardens.” But then the reality quickly sunk in. Those were our f’n vegetables in those bags. And they were nowhere near ready to be eaten. 
I could see the disappointment on my father’s face. He was crushed. All of that time and effort in the spring and now we weren’t going to be able to enjoy the fruits of that labor. Turns out, a few kids in the neighborhood had taken it upon themselves to completely wipe our garden clean of all veggies that had just started emerging. I could have beaten them all senseless. But it was hard to be too angry for too long when ultimately, they had good intentions. 
I tell you that story because it came to me while I was surveying the garden this afternoon in the seasonably warm, but brutally foggy outdoors. I knew I would discover more deer damage based on the high volume of the f’ers I’ve seen of late. 
I would be right of course.
Here is an Arborvitae ‘Rheingold’ from just two days ago:                             

And here it is from earlier today:

The second shot looks better, right? Well that would be due to all of the growth chewed off by the deer. They actually ended up exposing the still green growth underneath all of that ratty discolored foliage that came on quickly once the temperature dropped.

Maybe the deer were doing me a favor, eh? Maybe they can sense my dissatisfaction with them and this is the first step to mending our relationship? Sort of hard to argue with them at this point.

And then I turned the corner and knew for sure. The deer were handing out the olive branch. I mean look at the stunning topiary they left for me:      

Pretty wild stuff. What do I have on my hands here? More research is required and you all will be the first to know the results.

After witnessing the deer artwork, I stumbled inside and grabbed myself a brew. Because I am a man of my word and told you I would start adding beer reviews to some of my posts, I give you the following:  

This IPA is of another world.

If it hasn’t passed Stone IPA to become the new #1 on my IPA ranking (soon to be published) it is a definite “1A”.

The citrus scents are intoxicating and the “heavy on the hoppishness” is right in my wheelhouse. There are even hints of pine in there and that is a big positive. I highly recommend this IPA if you are a fan as it is the best new beer I’ve tried in a long time.

It gets 9.5 blooms out of 10.

And one last thing, especially for my Canadian friends:

    
Welcome back NHL, we sorely missed you.

John

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5 Responses

  2. I can’t recommend anything for your deer problem, but I can help with your hankering for IPAs. If you get a chance and you haven’t done so already, the two IPAs out here in California that get all the love are Pliny the Elder by Russian River Brewing Company and Simtra by Knee Deep Brewing Company.

  3. My deer have been leaving their poop, but maybe I had better get out there and see what really is going on! Glad you enjoyed the beer, you probably needed it. Hopefully the Pens will have something to say about the Cup going anywhere but Pittsburgh. Fast and furious season. Should be fun. Repellants and netting two possibilities for the deer? Maybe you have tried both. xo LVL

  4. I had put deer netting on my new sample plantings (to see if they stand up to deer, once they have settled in) of Heuchera and Autumn Fern. Guess what, the net moved with the strong winds we have had, and in the morning I see the only green stuff I had by the front walk are now gone!!! They may be cute, but only from a distance. I don’t want to see them in my yard!!!

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