“I can handle making tacos for dinner. Seriously, it is more about ‘preparing’ than it is actually ‘making’ dinner. It is one of the few meals I can’t screw up.”

That is an exact quote from me to my wife on January 5th, 2014. I know this exact date because since 1/1/14, I have logged 2-3 events from each and every day into a spreadsheet. With the spreadsheet I want to capture the lesser and easily forgotten moments to prevent them from collectively leaving our memories over time. Then on 12/31 this year (and in subsequent years), I’ll read the list off to the family and together we can laugh, get angry all over again and even cry. Brilliant, I know.

So back to the tacos.

The reason this moment stood out and was worthy of my spreadsheet, is that while I prepared the dinner perfectly fine (including black beans seasoned with lime juice, diced avocadoes, etc.) I did so with expired meat. Like really expired meat.

My wife had purchased the ground turkey a few days earlier and had taken the precaution to freeze it. However, dumb ass found another frozen package, this one beef. One he had frozen himself a few weeks earlier as a means to prevent it from stinking up the refrigerator until the way old meat could be properly disposed of.

I still remember the look on my daughter’s face when my wife said “This doesn’t taste like turkey” and I said “That’s because it isn’t.” Even she could put one and one together. Everyone’s mouth opened in unison and we had what appeared to be a well choreographed spitting out of food.

Fortunately, we were only a few bites into the meal when we called it off. But I was still convinced I had poisoned them all. I remember staying up late that night anticipating that horrific sound of the toilet bowl seat being violently raised followed by the inhuman howl. That never happened and I am happy to report I have “prepared” tacos on numerous occasions since. Fool me once …

While I haven’t reviewed my spreadsheet in detail, I’m sure it is filled with other John screw-ups. Some funny, others not so much. And as I write this, I’m thinking about a garden-only spreadsheet of events for next year. How great would it be to look back and laugh/cry at what I did wrong in my garden in 2015. We learn more from our failures than our successes right?

Speaking of which, here are just some of my failures in 2014.

I grew close to ten different varieties of tomatoes this past year and they were a welcome sight/taste all summer. But as much as I enjoyed them, I probably wasted at least half of them by not keeping up with the harvest.

Next year we grow fewer and we let not one go to waste. Shame on me.

Same goes with my broccoli plants. I didn’t harvest one stinkin head and allowed it to go to bloom before even noticing it. How the hell does that happen?

Some times an unexpected visitor is a welcome sight. Other times it isn’t. It begs you to yank it. And you promise yourself you’ll do it. And then you never do.

Here is what I will now call a “half grass”. Literally half of it never grew after it was cut back in late winter.

And this is who we blame.

I should have been a better supervisor/task master so I have no one to blame but myself.

This iris (along with numerous others) is begging to be divided as seen with the sizable hole in the center.

Well that never happened even though it appeared on my to-do list for months on end.

Fool me once, shame on you (with “you” being a Monkshood); fool me twice, shame on me; fool me three times, shame on me x 2; fool me four times and well, I’m a bloody fool.

Seriously, I’ve attempted to grow Monkshood four times and each time it literally disappeared within a few months. Some times you just have to throw in the towel even if all signs and conditions point to it being a good idea.

There is color and then there is too much color.

I can’t tell you how close I was to ripping all of these plants out and starting over all while they were in full bloom. No, I wasn’t going for a red, white and blue theme. I don’t even remember the logic I applied when I pieced this together in early spring. It still annoys me to this day. It has since been rectified, but bad job, bad job John.

Yes, that is poison ivy that I ignored all spring/summer/fall and now I have no hopes of getting anywhere near that spigot in the future.

I continue to waste the impact and awesomeness of this Molinia ‘Sky Racer’ by keeping it solo in this yet to be developed garden bed.

The goal to eliminate more and more lawn did not take a step forward this year.

My lack of originality and creativity when it comes to container plantings continued.

Two consecutive years where the rabbits didn’t allow Chasmanthium latifolium (Northern Sea Oats) ‘River Mist’ to grow at all.