The following is an exact account of a recent weekday morning in my garden. I kid you not, the exact times were recorded for authenticity. Also, the emotional roller coaster captured here is 100% real. I caught the gardening bug in 1998 and there is nothing I can do to get rid of it.
5:44 AM – Alarm goes off … and when I say alarm, I mean my wife physically assaults gently nudges me as she shuts off the alarm I never heard/hear. Time to tend to the garden because it is my passion (now re-read that previous sentence knowing it is 100% sarcastic).
5:47 AM – Coffee is made. Why am I up this early? Am I a farmer?
5:53 AM – I am standing in my driveway with a large lightweight container that is easily portable and great for collecting weeds, an Ames trowel (product placement intentional), pruners and my coffee mug. There are multiple unidentifiable insects in my coffee. I am not fazed. There is a creepy/cool fog I have to walk through to get to the backyard. There is nothing but the sounds of the birds and Japanese beetles flying stupidly into the vinyl siding (more on that later).
6:00 AM – I start to eradicate some weeds and have this overwhelming desire to stop. I’ve been weeding like mad for days now and I am fried. This always happens when I know we will be having people over in the not too distant future. Normally I don’t sweat the weeds too much and have no issue when the garden is “under construction”. I know the end game. But when regular folk (aka non-plant people) are expected to view the garden, I feel the pressure to clean it up. Non-weedy bare earth appeals to the masses more so than a wonderful mash-up of summer perennials.
6:05 AM – I’m done. Cannot complete another task. But I am up and awake so I’m going to attempt to tour the garden with an eye towards future planning and a simple enjoyment of all that I’ve done over the past few months.
6:06 AM – Oh good.
Even better.
The Japanese Beetles have arrived in masses and they have taken up residence on many of my plants. They haven’t been an issue for years but man they have made up for lost time. I literally start squishing them in my hands in a fit of anger.
So much for no tasks.
After 100 or so fatalities I realize this will take all day. For the most part they are only on the Dappled Willow and one Basil plant. I’ll leave them for now and then fix the damage before everyone’s arrival on Sunday.
I’m losing all of my gardening mojo.
6:23 AM – There is nothing I could have done. There is nothing I could have done. There is nothing I could have done. Beetle traps don’t work. Beetle traps don’t work.
6:30 AM – Wow. I love the combo of the ‘Little Grapette’ daylillies and the foliage of Penstemon ‘Husker’s Red’. How have I never noticed that before? Oh yeah, because the deer never allow the daylillies to bloom.
Mojo coming back a smidge.
6:34 AM– It may be everywhere, but dammit if I don’t love the simple combo of Purple Coneflower and Russian Sage.
Or should I be more creative? Am I better than that? Damn, how snobby. Who do you think you are?
6:40 AM – Is this an Abelia? I always considered it a space filler but now it seems to stand out more than before. I should move it to a new location. But why, let it continue to get established, right?
Does everyone over analyze their garden as much as I do? I need a hobby.
6:47 AM – I still say surrounding my vegetable/herb garden with grasses was one of my better moves. Although soon I’ll need to hurdle the grasses in order to tend to my tomatoes/beans/zucchini.
6:54 AM – I’ve resorted to cutting all of my hydrangea blooms and bringing them indoors before the deer destroy them. Does that mean I win or the deer win? Or does my wife win with the blooms indoors? Why haven’t I done that for her more often?
7:00 AM – In the shower and getting ready for the day job. You know, the one that actually PAYS.
Your blog is beyond entertaining. I do think you are just a teeny tiny bit obsessed with your garden. I could be wrong but I don’t think so. 🙂
Have a great weekend.
Linda
Thanks so much Linda! It is an obsession … and a fun one at that.
Love your morning routine! I’ve squished many a beetle with my bare hands, too. I also carry around a can of soapy water for them to drown their sorry *****.
I thought about the soapy water but squishing seemed so much easier. Can’t like the bats or some other predator do the work for us?
I smiled through this entire account……. I think you’re my clone in male form…..I can always relate, and I love how you use humor to get you through the disappointments and frustrations. And I wouldn’t say you’re obsessed, you’re a gardener. ‘Nuf said!
Thanks Kathy! Good to know I’m not alone and humor is one means to survive the disappointments for sure.
Loved this post. Oh, boy, do I know the “what the holy hell” feeling when the Japanese beetle invasion is noticed. I once tried to convince a visiting teenage nephew that knocking them into a jar with soapy water was as fun as any video game…great for eye hand co-ordination. “Let’s see who can get the most!” I challenged …knowing that I would win by a mile…years of practice!
I agree, your ‘Little Grapette” flowers with the dark foliage behind is a winner as is coneflower and Russian Sage. I’m really liking some of new deep red and coral varieties of coneflower. There’s one called ‘Cheyenne Spirit’ that is seed produced and includes those colors as well as soft gold.
My kids won’y go near a bug, bad parenting on my part. I’ll have to check out ‘Cheyenne’, for whatever reason, I have very few deer red flowers.
Very funny account of the day! I can relate to it all! Thanks for a very entertaining post! The japabeetles are not so bad this year but the slugs!!! Oh I am so tired of killing slugs this year! It is not even funny anymore!
True story, I’ve never had even one slug. Wonder why? Guess I shouldn’t complain though, huh?
Seems we both get up in the morning around the same time
but I don’t need an alarm. And not quite time to tend in my
garden. …but while we are on the subject of chewing insects –
it’s the earwigs that I have an all-war with. Out comes the
Diatomaceous Earth powder and Sluggo Plus !
I know very little about earwigs, what do they like to destroy?
John, Too many plants to name! Earwigs are night feeders
and like damp areas. I’m surprised you do not have any!
Have you tried beneficial nematodes? They have pretty much done away with the Jap beetles for me….last for several years and then you’re supposed to try them again, but it’s been ten plus years and we’re doing great without the usual infestation.
Glory – I have considered it for a while now but have never taken the plunge. I need to get on it. Thank you.
If I didn’t have to be on the train by 5:52 AM, I’d probably be doing the same thing you are doing before going to the “paying job”
Sharon – I am fortunate enough that I don’t have to get into the office until 9:00 or 9:30 so early mornings work out well. 5:52 train sounds rough!
Watched an In The Garden program (UNC-TV) where a gardener grew grape vines over a trellis that kept the sun off his chicken coop. Seems that Japanese beetles love grape vines. Anyway, every morning he went out and shook the trellis, the Japanese beetles fell to the ground and the chickens had breakfast. Maybe we should all grow grape vines and have chickens!
Marilyn – another reason to finally get some chickens! Maybe they’ll eat the ticks as well?