What is up? How have you all been? Did you survive the never ending winter? Have you been back in the dirt?

Yes, I know it’s been a while since we last spoke. I hope you missed me, even just a little bit? If not, I totally get it. I wouldn’t have missed me and I’m a huge fan of me.

What have I been up to the last three months? Thanks so much for asking.

Writing a novel

Yes, I plotted out a story one night for fun and never looked back. The book is dark, it’s kind of violent, it’s twisted, it’s sweet and it has no gardening references. I just reached the 85,000 word mark and I can safely say that the true first draft is complete.

But here’s the thing: I have no idea if it’s decent or really sucks. Seriously. I have no right to believe I can snap my fingers and write a thriller. But I did just that. And I loved every single second of it. I got such a thrill from outlining, writing, editing, giving up, starting again, getting educated on how to write dialogue, dumping many ideas and coming up with new plot twists. The process was and is super enjoyable.

I now have the draft in the hands of a few others and I wait for their feedback. I received incredible direction from my wife and an old friend from high school after they read an early copy. I did my best to absorb that feedback and I can admit that they were 100% accurate in their assessments. A thicker skin is developing and I’m proud of that.

I’m sure this project will carry on for many more months and I’ll dance between “it’s the first one so it won’t be very good but you’ll learn a lot” and “you have to believe it’s great in order to finish it and hit the ‘publish’ button.”

I promise I won’t bore you with any more details the next few months.

Spring Training

Yes, we went to Port St. Lucie, FL again to watch our beloved New York Mets. Here are a few pics from a few weeks back.

College search

I just returned from a week’s worth of college visits in the southeast. My son is a junior in high school and we’re knee deep in the college prep era. We visited five schools starting with James Madison University and ending with North Carolina State University. It was an insane amount of driving as we ventured as far south as the University of Florida. But it was oh so worth it. A road trip loaded with memories, laughs, fast food and deep life discussions.

And FYI, college is expensive as hell, in case you hadn’t heard.

Life

I’m a coach for my daughter’s travel softball team.

That same daughter is very involved in lots of other things.

Work.

Date nights where we can fit them in.

Which brings me to the reason you’re all here in the first place.

The garden.

I have no clue how I’m going to keep up with it this year. I’m overwhelmed and it’s only early spring. I have no delusions of grandeur thinking I can wake up early each morning or work late into the night in order to pull it off. We have multiple softball games every weekend now through the middle of July. Damn kids and their stuff.

Where this blog goes from here I have no idea. I stopped projecting a long time ago. I could end it all together or post three times a week moving forward. The second I make one declaration, I usually do the opposite. So only time will tell.

I did manage to get outside for a bit earlier in the week. And I limited my scope as much as possible. The only way to attack it is to do it in small chunks. Tackle one small section and enjoy that small section when it is done. It’s working, so far.

There is still little going on, but enough to stoke the gardening fire.

I’ll take it.

Please don’t look back on any of my prior year’s gardening resolutions because chances are I’ll be repeating myself here and more than likely, never followed any of the previous resolutions.

Let’s start fresh okay?

As I look back on 2018, I can safely say it was the most underwhelming gardening year for me since I started this blog back in 2010. I can easily blame it on lack of available time but that doesn’t capture the full truth. The truth is I lost my mojo somewhere in the spring and never really gained it back at any point.

But I’m not here today to dwell on that. You’ve heard enough from me on that with prior posts. Today we simply look ahead. Today I implore my future 2019 self to at least attempt to keep these resolutions in mind as the months progress. If I can follow even 33.333% of what I’m about to propose, it can be called progress.

I like progress.

So without further ado, here’s what I hope to accomplish in 2019.

Cherish those plants that thrive in spring

No plant better fits into this category than Lady’s Mantle. Nothing shines more than this perennial on a wet spring morning and nothing fades to crap more in the heat of summer.

Make sure you sit and stare at her more John when she is flourishing.

Expect the worst

I can fight the deer to the best of my ability but at some point they’ll get me. So what, it is what it is. Don’t stress it and just move on.

Chances this resolution is followed: 8%

Get creative

It’s comical how many of the same photos of the same plants I have from year to year. I’m sure you all know it too. It’s the reality of having a gardening blog.

But when I look back, I really enjoy those pics that were at least an attempt at presenting the garden from a different perspective. Yes this is my dumb sneaker, but I can’t lie, I like the pic and the faded color of spring bulbs and spring foliage in the background.

Don’t sweat it

Are you sensing a theme here? A lot of RELAX JOHN.

If the flower color clashes, so be it. I should be happy that they are blooming at all and that the deer haven’t ended the display.

Remember to give up on certain plants

… because that’s exactly when they thrive.

It’s psychological warfare out in the garden and the moment I leave a plant for dead, that is when it bounces back. I’m not above announcing the giving up out loud. I know those bastards are listening.

So I’ll be holding an official You’re done party for this Sambucus nigra in spring. And watch, it will grow taller than two feet.

Get over it

Accept the winter damage and move on.

Add more non-plants

It’s amazing how the space will be transformed. I’ve only been telling myself this for two decades now.

One year it will sink in. Why not 2019?

Look closer

You’ll never know what you’ll find.

Take a few steps back

Embrace the open spots.

Show your warts.

Accept feedback.

Stop hiding the not so pretty.

Stop being boring

C’mon John, you’re better than that.

Bare garden = weeds out the ^&%$^^

If you’re going to clear a new area for planting, plant immediately before the weeds have a chance to take over.

It happens year after year and then most of my time is spent eradicating said weeds.

It’s time to learn my lesson.

No more surgeries

Only during December through February if necessary.

I wasted my September through October this year.

The latest and greatest in the garden.

Hoopla

The basketball hoop couldn’t have been sited more perfectly. Not only does it bring height to the garden. Not only does it act as much needed hardscape in a sea of green. Not only does it bring more visitors into the garden.

But it also forces me to clean up a weed-filled section of the garden that will now be home to stone. I also feel like this section of the garden has now been perfectly divided and provided me with a chance to do some serious design.

Divide and Conquer

It may be time to figure out how to divide all of my Nepata (Catmint). This is how most of them look right now. They’ll look better after I cut back the spent blooms, but long term I need to take care of this.

Have any of you ever divided Nepeta?

The Lady in Red, she’s …

The good news: I’ve never had this many blooms on my Hydrangea ‘Lady in Red’.

The bad news: that was the view from the back of the shrub against the foundation of the house. Here is how it looks in the front. Damn deer nipping away all fall and spring.

My First

Shhhhh … don’t jinx it. I’m about to get an actual bloom on my Cimicifuga (Bugbane).

Anticipation

Many blooms coming on the Purple Prairie Clover

Seedheads

The seedheads on the Baptisia still make this perennial a showstopper.

Coming soon to an online retailer near you …

It’s the same routine every Tuesday and Wednesday. I’m working from home with the dog, Mia, as close as physically possible next to me on the couch. It isn’t uncommon for her to be partially leaning on my laptop. When she does, I just avoid using the letters p, l and m. At exactly 2:50 P.M, she stirs, sensing the arrival of the school bus. Once the sound of the brakes on the bus echo in the house, she darts to the front window, paws up on the windowsill and screeches uncontrollably. Her buddy is home from school and she can’t wait to greet him with kisses and scratches all over his legs and arms. We don’t have her trained at all.

On this particular Wednesday, I have no meetings so I accompany Mia to the windowsill. It’s a rare chance for me to watch my 14 year-old son in action. I watch as he walks down our street, checks the mailbox and eventually saunters on to the front sidewalk. He seems to walk now with a more refined gait. It’s as if he has made a conscious decision to walk more maturely. To me, this new walk started today. In truth, he’s been doing it for a time now and I’ve just missed the transition.

As he opens the front door and greets his furry friend, I consume his presence. Dude jumped to a new level in maturity not just with his new walk, but in all aspects of his being. He sounds like James Earl Jones as he greets me. He’s at least 3 inches taller than when I last took him in. He has a new sly smile that says “I’m aware of the world more now dad.” I love it and hate it at the same time.

When did this all change?

How and why did I miss it?

As I stepped out into the garden last night, ready to take pictures for a future blog post, I felt a twinge of sadness. Not like “waaaaaaah” sad, but more like “aw man, where did the time go?” sad. Just yesterday the Viburnum carlesii shrub was blooming and it was exciting, with the scent dancing in and out of the front windows of our home. Now they are done.

Did I enjoy them enough?

Am I too quick to embrace the next plant in line that’s ready to bloom?

First my son, now my Viburnum; why can’t I slow it all down?

I thought the garden was supposed to be a place of escape from life, not a mirror of it.

But it is, and there’s no denying it.

In fact, I’ve discovered in my middle age that I’m consumed with finding the meaning in everything I do, see, hear, eat, touch, etc. My garden is no longer of collection of plants that look pretty together, but a god damn metaphor for life. And while I fought it at first, and yearned for the simpler days of my first garden, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love the parallels and while at times painful, I cherish the life lessons I’m experiencing each time the shovel meets the earth or my dirty fingers pull a weed out of the soil or even when I’m simply evaluating potential changes in the garden.

Here are just a few of the parallels between garden and life:

The effort to be present

Each flower is fleeting. That is what makes them so special.

While there is always work to be done in the garden, there’s nothing more important than taking the time to enjoy it without judgment. Smell that flower, touch that flower, remind yourself that you planted that perennial five years ago and watched it struggle to get established. Now it’s time to experience the payoff.

There are many days when I can’t get out of my head. When that occurs, it is impossible to be present. Sure, life is busy and hectic and there is a strict timeline to be followed to ensure everyone is where they need to be on time, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be in the moment while it is all unfolding. Or we can’t take a few minutes to smell the flowers. That is why I have started meditating and so far, so good. The mindfulness practice should help in “life” and in the garden.

Feeling overwhelmed

Every gardener can relate to this one. If you can’t, then kudos to you, you are a unique species. I feel this each and every time I set foot outside, 365 days a year. If I allow it to take over, I become paralyzed with indecision.

My best way to deal is to chunk it all out. Today I will ignore everything except the front garden bed. If I can stay focused on this limited task at hand, I will successfully fend off feeling overwhelmed.

Every individual on earth can relate to this when navigating every day life. Again, if you don’t, you’re awesome … and also a liar. Feeling overwhelmed is a prerequisite for life. Be it managing a family, health, the job, etc., it is exhausting and stressful and how often do we want to throw in the towel? When it all piles on, we can’t comprehend the end of the tunnel. Similar to garden management, often the only way to survive is to manage through a to-do list; a mental one or one that is written on the stationary from the hotel you last stayed at and last felt relaxed.

Compartmentalizing is a necessity.

Planning is great, until it isn’t

More than a decade ago, I went through what I’ll call an “Arborvitae phase”. It appeared to be the best evergreen for my garden and my garden conditions, so I went all in. I purchased a ton of them in all different sizes and colors and planted them as the backbone of my newly developing garden.

Well, this happened.

And this happened.

And this happened.

The plan failed miserably and it took me years to establish a new backbone for the garden.

While I don’t suggest ever doing this, my wife and I put on an addition to our home at the same time she was pregnant with our son. As the pregnancy approached 8 months, we were clearly not going to have everything ready in time, including his room. For that last month, I built a daily to-do list with the hope of still having all of the work completed before his arrival. Looking back, the list was comical but necessary for our own survival.

Here is what we had planned for the day he was actually born (as dug up from an email from me to my wife 14 years ago):

July 12th

John off

Jerry – Light fixtures,fan,smoke detectors and thermostat

Final Plumbing inspection

Final Electrical/Fire inspection

Fill in front beds

Move couch and love seat – Dad

Buy closet fixtures

Buy door stops

Buy shelves for upstairs bathroom

Buy temporary blinds

Finish railing

Buy umbrella stand and cover

Yes, this was for one day. Don’t laugh.

Spoiler: he was born almost a month early and we happily dumped our to-do list in favor of staring at him in awe and enjoying those early days. He may not have had a room ready for two months, but we didn’t care; he was healthy and thriving and that is all we cared about as first-time parents.

Pivoting is a must

This ties into the last one. Once the Arborvitae plan fell apart, I knew I had to keep moving if I wanted my garden to even look the least bit presentable. I diversified my evergreen portfolio and really researched what would work with my conditions. While it took some time to pull it all together, I didn’t look back and didn’t feel sorry for myself. A lesson learned, great; now we push on and see if plan B will be successful.

A parent is ill and needs to move in with us: let’s clear the playroom and find a bed for cheap on eBay.

The school bus will now be arriving at 6:40 A.M: we need to add a back-up alarm to our son’s alarm, knowing he will sleep through anything. We need to buy breakfast he can ingest in 3 minutes. We need to enforce that his devices be off by 10:00 P.M.

We some how end up rescuing a dog without any prior planning: a new morning routine will be born, sleep deprivation will be a given, the kids better prepare themselves for chores and a severe dent in their routine. It will all be worth it.

Embrace or reject chaos

This is a very personal one. I could dedicate an entire post just to this one. I battle this daily in my garden, pulling from both extremes. I love gardens that are wild and out of control and fun. They best resemble how the plants would look in their natural state; the key word being natural.

That photo above isn’t from my garden, it’s from the Garden at Federal Twist. Still to this day, my favorite garden I’ve ever visited.

But my first instinct is control. I want things to be orderly and neat and weed free. I start to shake a bit when I lose control. The compromise between orderly and chaotic ends up looking my current garden: controlled chaos. If the design of my garden starts to lean more one way, I compromise and make changes to counter that leaning. It sounds stressful and overthought and you would be right. It makes me f’n nuts yet I love it as it pushes my garden to bigger heights. Here is my best attempt to attain the perfect balance.

Don’t mention this one to my wife. I’m a brutal pain in the ass. I stack everything. I close all drawers, often before they are done being used. I throw things away for my own personal relief. Before the kids finish eating dinner, I’ve put their dishes in the dishwasher. The dogs toys are put away seconds after she has pulled them out.

I’m not proud of this but I continue to do it. I know that it is potentially impacting the kids (and the dog) in a negative way. My over-the-top organization takes away from my daughter’s creativity. It’s too much and I’m aware I need to change.

When that will happen all depends on the ultimate cost of therapy.

Time management

There’s never enough time to garden.

There’s never enough time for my wife.

There’s never enough time for my children.

There’s never enough time for my dog.

There’s never enough time for me.

Patience and belief

Gardening is all about patience. We know that it takes plants time to get established and thrive with the challenge being how we provide them that time to develop while making the garden look all sorts of pretty.

Plants are expensive, especially when purchased in a large size. The majority of us can’t afford to buy large specimens so we buy them small and allow them time to get bigger and better. Again, that takes time and mega amounts of patience.

As smart gardeners (wink, wink) we know that plants need space to account for their ultimate size. That required space looks painfully bare initially and tests our patience yet again.

With all of that in mind, it took me years to photograph my garden until it was somewhat established.

How many times do we have to tell them to hang up their wet towels? How many times do we have to ask them if they packed everything? How many times do we have to remind them that if they eat poorly, they will feel awful soon after?

The answers are infinity, infinity and infinity.

But deep down, we know it will eventually sink in. They will eventually make the connection. Parenting requires unlimited amounts of patience but more importantly, the firm belief that discipline, advice and tough love will pay off in the end. All of the grunting and groaning along the way will ultimately lead to “you were right dad”.

I hope.

Aging

This is the most underrated enjoyment I get out of my garden. I love aging along with my plants. That aging runs from year to year as the plants get larger and provide more flowers or better fall color to aging within only a year’s time.

I love witnessing the slow decline of a plant from fully thriving, to “I’m kind of tired” to “I’m like way tired” to “it’s time for me to call it a year”.

Each phase evokes an emotion, an emotion that is seasonally relevant. Once a gardener understands this, it takes gardening from hobby to passion.

I can’t get out of bed without a groan. I find myself sighing not because I’m stressed or angry, but because I’m simply breathing. I mix up the dog and my daughter’s name often. I still say “I need to tape that TV show”.

But guess what? 44 year-old John is kind of awesome and a hell of a lot better than 24 or even 34 year-old John.

Even if he can’t recall a single name on the first attempt.

I am thankful for all of the deer that have made me a better gardener

I am thankful for my wife who makes me laugh, pushes me to dream and has more integrity than anyone I know

I am thankful for indestructible gardening gloves

I am thankful for a compassionate son who loves to write

I am thankful for 2.25 acres that has been my muse for 12 years running

I am thankful for my daughter and her unabashed enthusiasm and creativity

I am thankful for the health of my circle

I am thankful to have discovered Gary Vaynerchuk and James Altucher and Seth Godin

I am thankful for the written word and how it has dramatically changed my life

My latest obsession is macro photography on Instagram using only my Samsung phone. Would love to connect on Instagram if we aren’t already. Just click on the Instagram icon on the right sidebar or hit me up at @jmarkowski0.

Here are some of my latest pics.